Goodbye Morristown. Unless the apocalypse occurs and I simply dislike the place entirely the likelihood of me taking this job is about 90% right now. Bills lowering, pay increasing, and possibly a more prestigious college. How can I say no?
I’m not sure if Jake told anyone or not; however, if you don’t know then last night I overdosed on some blood pressure medicine. About 20 minutes after I did it anxiety kicked in, my heart started pounding, and I told my mom to take me to the hospital. Luckily it wasn’t that hard of a reversal for the hospital to make, and they even went as far as saying had I waited another 15-20 minutes before telling my mom my heart probably would have stopped. They could have been attempted to scare me, I don’t know.
I go for counseling on Wednesday at 8:30am. Today has been the worst day of my entire life. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve also had a broken heart. Tharp’s going back to sleep.
I count them out, each and every day. No, I’m not talking about the money, the blessings, the good deeds, or anything else but the pills. I lay them on the table directly next to my glass of water; I know it’s insane, but I just need to take them. I fight myself, and inevitably I win. What happens if I don’t? Will I throw them back up? Will I make it in time to have my stomach pumped? Or will I finally cease to exist? The pain of living is becoming far too great to not compel me toward the pain of dying. Compelled by friendships falling apart, people leaving, and a breaking heart. My frustration is building; far beyond that at which I could measure.
